A Valentine’s Day Love Letter To Jesse Eisenberg

by: on | in Celebrities | 12 Comments

All week long until Valentine’s Day, each Teen.com editor will be writing a very special love letter to his or her celebrity crush. Check back at 12pm ET every day to read ‘em!

Dear Jesse Adam Eisenberg,

Ok, I know you hate attention, think you’re too awkward and you basically wish you weren’t famous, but please hear me out. My love for you started back when we first met in October of 2010. I interviewed you for The Social Network and I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight. We quickly hit it off and bonded over the fact that I have the same name as your little sister, Hallie Eisenberg aka the Pepsi girl. Come on. If that isn’t fate then I don’t know what is.

Forget the fact that after our brief four-minute encounter, I became obsessed. Not, like, in a creepy way or anything, but let’s just say that I spent a lot of time on YouTube watching your Social Network interviews (to make sure mine was better, obvs), and my Netflix was packed to the gills with classic Jesse flicks like The Squid And the Whale and Adventureland. What? I couldn’t stalk you on Facebook or anything. This was my way of learning everything there is to know about my future husband you.

Then began my long journey of adoration for you, when I found and bookmarked amazing Jesse fan pages like f*ckyeahjesseeisenberg.tumblr.com. Watching your promotional interviews on like, every single late night show ever became my evening activity, and I found myself getting jealous of the co-stars you’ve kissed on-screen like Emma Stone, Kristen Stewart and Ari Graynor. Sick? A little. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

I soon found out that you have a girlfriend of 7 years who you live with, but whatever. No big. Regardless, I really thought we could make it work. That was until I met you again in August of 2011 to talk about your new movie, 30 Minutes or Less … and you didn’t even remember me. I even introduced myself as “Haley, like Hallie Eisenberg,” but nope. Crickets. Heart. Broken.

But listen, Jesse. I’m not going to let one little episode shatter my dreams. All I’m saying is that we’re soul mates. We’re both Jewish, and you know how Jewish mothers get about reproducing Jewish babies. We’re both from New Jersey and both a bit on the awkward side, so there’s that. And also? I may or may not already know where in downtown NYC you live, so you won’t even need to give me directions to your apartment. And lastly, since we’ve met twice, a third date is inevitable. And you know what’s supposed to happen on the third date. Wink wink.

Love always and (hopefully) forever,
Haley

Did you like my love letter? Or was it a little creepy? Which celeb would you write a love letter to? Tell me in the comments, and make sure to come back all week long at 12pm ET for more hilarious notes!

Spread the Word

Tagged: , ,

Previous Post ariana-grande-put-your-hearts-up-behind-the-scenes
Everything You Need to Know About Ariana’s New Vid, Gaga’s New Tour and More!
Next Post madonna-lmfao-super-bowl-halftime-promo
Poll Page: Tell Us Your Thoughts On This Week’s Celeb Goss!

Comments

12 Responses to "A Valentine’s Day Love Letter To Jesse Eisenberg"

  1. Teen.com
    Laurie says:

    I’ve never met you Jesse but we can go directly to the third date.

  2. Teen.com
    umbreist says:

    Good choice in celebrity. :)

  3. Teen.com
    charlie says:

    Do you meet him twice? And a third date is inevitable? Lucky girl!

  4. Teen.com
    Savvy says:

    Awww, I love it! :-D
    Jesse would the perfect boyfriend!

  5. Teen.com
    Lori says:

    Good choice. He’s the Best, as actor as human being.

  6. Teen.com
    dee says:

    Can’t you find a better looking Jewish guy to write about being Jewish? Like Logan Lerman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Andrew Garfield. James Wolk is a good one, if little-known.

  7. Teen.com
    Anonymous says:

    I would (and have) written a letter to my all time favorite celeb cutie-Celtic thunder alum, damian mcginty!

  8. Teen.com
    Anonymous says:

    lol that’s cute!

  9. Teen.com
    Lauren says:

    I understand you. I saw the TSN dvd 30 times, I think. Is it normal? What a great actor and nice guy!!!

  10. Teen.com
    EstherBracha says:

    umm not creeeepy per se, but you are defs wavering super close to the line of cheating on your boyfriend of almost a year!!! (emotionally at very least)

  11. Teen.com
    Matt says:

    “I may or may not already know where in downtown NYC you live, so you won’t even need to give me directions to your apartment.”

    Hilarious. I will now work on my love letter to Kate Upton.

Tell Us What You Think!

Your email address will not be published.

*

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>